I had my piano tuned in the Fall of 2021.
The colder months were coming, I had quit drinking less than a year prior and I was looking for something to keep my brain active.
It was wonderful and moving to be able to play the notes and hear them ring out on pitch.
The first piece of sheet music I worked on was ‘Angel’ by Sarah MacLachlan, an old favourite.
While playing fairly easily through the chords on the page, it occurred to me that maybe I should pick up songwriting again.
I had written the odd tune over the years, mostly co-writes.
I love to sing. I love to write. There was a freshly tuned piano and years of lessons in my creative arsenal.
I also grew up with a father who is a prolific songwriter and we often talked about the art form as he has asked my advice on many a tune over the course of my life.
All this to say that songwriting has become an important part of my life over the last few years.
–
Initially, I think I used it as a way to process some of the discomfort associated with quitting drinking.
It was a place where I could turn my overwrought emotions into a melody and lyrics, finding a way to express myself and potentially relate to others.
In the beginning, a lot of my songs were pretty heavy.
That being said, I was working through some heavy stuff.
I wrote the song, High Wire, as I was approaching a holiday season full of parties and social events.
At the time, I was terrified of being sober at all these events. Writing helped.
–
Lately, I’ve been witness to some of the shame and misery that come with alcohol abuse.
I remember these emotions all too well, because when I was a drinker, I cycled through them a lot.
I would wake up hung over, full of shame and anxiety.
I’d then wait until the time of day where it became socially acceptable to drink.
I would drink until the voices in my head got quiet. The day would end.
I’d wake up and do it all over again.
I see other folks in this cycle, and it brings me back to a time when I was so scared of what other people thought about me.
I figured if they knew what I knew about me and my coping mechanism, they’d despise me or think less of me.
I know now that that’s not true.
–
When I see someone struggling with alcohol, I don’t judge.
Life can be really hard.
I found alcohol after my parents divorced- it made me feel confident, happy and it wiped away all the worries in my brain.
No wonder I leaned on it.
I was a good person who found a bad coping mechanism.
I wish I could wash away all the shame that permeated my life for all the years I struggled with drinking.
I thought horrible things about myself and they just weren’t true.
If I could wash away all the misery and self doubt that consumes folks who struggle with addiction, I would.
–
New Eyes is a song about seeing the light in someone when they can’t.
I started writing it for a friend and realized that I was also writing it for myself.